Install Microsoft Office

Microsoft Office is a glorious suite of productivity software, supported by the same clown car that swerves over everything that Microsoft owns. Let's see who the clowns are, crammed into the 1990 Volkswagen Beetle:

Accounts - I have personal and business accounts, each with it own, MS enforced email address
Crapware - It's not exactly crap, but most laptops come with a trial of some version of Office
Authentication - This is actually good, but causes confusion, because both accounts authenticate to my mobile phone.
Online Help - Though it is a muddled nightmare, one of the links finally pointed me to the right login.
Installation - there are actually TWO components: "Office" and "Other Apps"

Every time I have had to reinstall Windows 10 or set up a new laptop, the clown car threatens to run me over. Here's the latest drive-by horror story:

I can never remember if I can "upgrade" the crapware to my Enterprise version and always wind up wasting time launching and staring futilely at trial version screens, as if willing the installation genie to pop up. Eventually, I decide to install Microsoft Office from a so-called downloader file (OfficeSetup.exe).

It takes a while to pull down the apps from the MS store. Afterwards, a link to the Access database appeared in my Start window. It wasn't there before because Access isn't part of the crapware package. However, when I launch it, a window pops up, saying that Access isn't part of the account. 

Obviously, I am not signed in to my Enterprise account. Heaven help me, I sign out and try to sign in to Enterprise and the login screen reads, "Invalid email"! I looked over at my other laptop, compare addresses. Nope, no typo. Eventually, I realize that I am trying to do a "Switch Account" within the personal accounts ecosystem. This is why point decent online help is vital. When all else fails, read the f... wait, this complex office suite doesn't have a manual! Normal people's first thought when setting up a laptop probably isn't, "Hmmm, let me go to the web and make sure I'm doing this right." I think the world would be a better place if the first screen that pops up after clicking Install included a warning:

                    Don't screw this up! Visit for step-by-step instructions.

Anyway. I need to locate the business ecosystem's login portal. I use the term portal because you can sign in from any Office software app, as well as from the web browser. I fumble around with the clown known as and finally click the proper link to the Enterprise login page.

Once my login authenticates via mobile phone, I follow the help page's instructions to click on "Other Apps". This finally leads to Excel, Word and other apps to be downloaded.

The next time I need to install Microsoft Office, hopefully, I'll remember that I posted this.

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